She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.