When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat