I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner