My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.