Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.