Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.