You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again