Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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i think my cat just said my name.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE