felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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