I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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