you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Send us your Text From Last Night!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.