Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting