Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
