My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it