Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am