He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?