you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
