When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be