He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..