idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im part way to drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?