You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.