I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life