tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
