Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable