We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?