Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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