Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
