Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
