You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.