THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.