Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.