Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sext me about skeletons
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.