I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.