Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.