My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.