Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.