We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.