He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.