Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.