After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on