I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?