Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.