So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.