I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i don't like sucking hair