He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.