You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
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She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.