I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.