Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding