You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.