You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese