What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.