For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?