He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name