IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.