was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, beer. Big fan.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them