was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.