If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.