Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.