My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.