Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.