I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.