I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work