She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you still have your period?
My first STD was from a foam party
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.