Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?