She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them