so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs