If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.