Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.