He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today