i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.