clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.