I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.