Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (224)

Last Night in Illinois (224)

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hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

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my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

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(224): hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube (630): my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cxvl

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At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk

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(224): At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk http://tfl.nu/rjll

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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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(224): I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring. http://tfl.nu/u70q

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Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

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(224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped. http://tfl.nu/31qz

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I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania

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(224): I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania http://tfl.nu/5wck

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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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(224): I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home. http://tfl.nu/0j8i

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Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays

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(224): Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays http://tfl.nu/pg2c

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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.

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(224): She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand. http://tfl.nu/cnkx

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bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.

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(224): bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh. http://tfl.nu/hyh0

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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

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Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

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(312): I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks. (224): Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however. http://tfl.nu/lo15

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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

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Elaborate

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Strip Mario-Kart

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(224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36

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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.

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Too low?

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Yes.

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(224): This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd. (309): Too low? (224): Yes. http://tfl.nu/cgtr

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Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'

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Im going to research this theory. . .

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(224): Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex' (224): Im going to research this theory. . . http://tfl.nu/7c0k

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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker

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Do you believe in miracles?

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(224): Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker (847): Do you believe in miracles? http://tfl.nu/9830

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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping

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(224): you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping http://tfl.nu/igay

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Last Night in Illinois (224)

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