I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.