States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend